Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
