I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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