She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
he just fucked me for my cheese..
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I did not marry a roomba.
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