So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
