There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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