Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Enjoy the penises
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
