she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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