Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize