You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
