My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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