what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Enjoy the penises
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
