I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
