things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
