Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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