why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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