haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
