im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
