oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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