Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
