Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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