Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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