Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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