dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
