ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
