i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize