When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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