at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
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