I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize