He is such a slut. More and more my type.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
