I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize