I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
and you fell through a lawn chair
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
