So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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