Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
