wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
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You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
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Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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