my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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