I molested 6 butterflies tonight
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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