i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
and you fell through a lawn chair
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
