have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
