Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
