I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize