If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
