I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
