Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
