This girl is more easily done than said...
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
