I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
