i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
