I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
