DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
