I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
