i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
