just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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