Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
