Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
