Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
