if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
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It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize