I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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