forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
