You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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