I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
